Home Love & Sex The 9 Types Of Penises You Will Meet

The 9 Types Of Penises You Will Meet

It should come as no surprise that different people come in (and with) different packages. Penises come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and girths.

Continue reading to learn more about each of these nine penises and how to harness the power of each of them to your own advantage!

1. The Sensitive One

No, this penis isn’t necessarily sensitive to the touch. This penis is the one that acts irrationally and with no warning. Not only can this penis go softer more quickly than others, it can also cause its owner to ejaculate more quickly than another penis.

This can cause some tension in your relationship, because many men can’t actually keep going after they finish once. You can try to prevent this by keeping this penis engaged and staying away from pillow talk and topics that makes its appearance a mere flash in the pan.

2. The Pencil Thin One

That’s right. Do you remember using No. 2 pencils for your scantron tests back in the day? This penis is slim and might not do too much to excite your sexy bits. You’ll likely be a bit disappointed but know there is hope!

If you need some help getting satisfied in the bedroom, try having him use a dildo/strap-on or maybe a cock ring. This will keep both of you satisfied. Partners with this issue are almost always willing to do something extra to keep everyone happy!

3. The Perfect One

This penis will be everything you want in a penis. Not too big, not too small, but perfect. This penis will know how to satisfy you and will do it nearly every time. There isn’t really any issue to address here. But you may try to use this perfect penis to your advantage by trying something new and fun in the bedroom.

Be careful when dealing with the owner of this penis, as he likely knows his perfect pecker is great at what it does!

4. The Hulk

As the name implies, this huge pecker will likely be the size of something you never want to stuff into your vagina. Hey, big guys need love too! This penis will take a lot compromise and patience on your part. You may have to satisfy its owner in different ways, but intercourse using a small fraction of his green monster shouldn’t be (or feel) too bad! You can also be satisfied in other ways, if the penis is too much for your lady bits to handle!

5. The Meh One

The owner of this penis and, well, the penis itself is nothing special. Maybe this one could also be known as the “Average Joe,” because there’s nothing too impressive about it. It is, frankly, forgettable and really not anything you’re wanting to remember. Let’s face it, this penis likely belongs to your good-for-nothing ex.

6. The Crooked One

All you know about this penis is that it doesn’t stand upright. Penises like this are often bent one way or the other. While this penis might look or seem a bit strange when you see it, it can be used as a great tool in the bedroom. This penis can likely hit different spots that will feel great!

7. The Transformer

When it’s hard, you think it’s fine, but when you see it deflated, you ask yourself how that thing that came out in the bedroom could possibly be what you’re seeing afterward.

Transformer penises are typically a fine thing. They may not be something you can see an outline of all day, every day, but this penis does its job well. There isn’t much to fix here. You should only start looking for advice if he can’t keep it up! In that case, try toys and more foreplay!

8. The Beer Can

The polar opposite of the pencil penis, this penis is as short and girthy as a beer can. While his width might satisfy you or even be too much for you, his penis isn’t very long. You won’t get that thrusting action you long for. However, there are some sex move that you can try out that will still bring both you, and your beer can penis-ed lover to climax!

9. The Hooded One

Foreskin. That’s what this one has. A lot of people, particularly of the Christian and Jewish religion, decide to have their children circumcised after they’re born. This cuts off the foreskin. It’s likely that you may not have seen a penis with foreskin but is something different. You will, however, get a lot of pleasure from his extra skin!

Last Words

Now that you know what types of penises are out there, and how to better your sexual interactions with them, you’re ready for just about anything!

Jessica M.
I want to write my bio, but I can't think of anything. So I'll write a novel instead.

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